Was I Your Blue Period?
Or was I your 'dry period'?...but I can't have been - you were more productive and more creative then. Perhaps it was my cheerleading? Call me a Pollyanna... Well, do you? Is that what drove you away? My fucking support for your work. Your relentless work. Always with the work. How many times have I seen her face on canvas? The little boy child woman. Plain yet engaging. Asexual but compelling. My Rebecca. Of all of them I am the only one you never painted. Not once. I was your artist's wife. Invisible and uncredited. My beautiful dress hangs in the wardrobe. It's ok, though. I'll wear it at the next cocktail party where I dazzle someone selfish. You aren't good enough to paint my eyes anyway. You stick to those blue eyed sweethearts. The world loves their eyes. You called me 'The Woman' once. I doubt you ever read Sherlock Holmes. God, I'm so bitter. I have to hide it all. Our mess is spaghetti. Where does it begin and end? I'm too old for your doubts and insecurities. And there is mine...age. Well, let's start there and not get to the other things too quickly. Why waste the opportunity? It's not called bittersweet for nothing. But that isn't the road I want to travel. Today I want to trample on you. So let me continue...you owe me that. Only this time I'll try not to be flippant and make a joke...I swear. I just don't want you to see me cry. Maybe if you see the woman at the party again I can have you back. Christ, this is painful. It just never goes where I want it to. There is so much more I have to say - but I'll close with your words. Why not? That's the one thing I have over all of them - my work isn't as highbrow as her hunger diary or the other's witty musical observations. Your pride wasn't dented when I said I understood what you meant despite the dyslexia. Because I wasn't as good as them...I might sparkle but champagne always goes flat. I hope I give you the hangover from hell. Then this... "I promise to always make you feel wanted, cared for and loved; hold you as long as you need - even if that means forever and always be your Mr O". You must have used spellcheck that day. Now back to work. Next to you in the office we share. At the desk where we once...oh, maybe you were right. Maybe I was too damaged for you.
0 Comments
|
|